Devons Wedding day

Oh Happy Day!!

Ok, so it has been a long time since I last wrote and you may ask yourself why? And I will tell you. I have become addicted to face book. I know that may come as a shock to some of you but it is true. I blame my sister Debbe for this. At first it was just a way to stay in contact with people and then the next thing know I am working on a farm in Farmville, cleaning my fish tank in cyberspace, and decorating my home in yoville. Every time that I think I can pull myself away from the computer someone beats my score on bejeweled blitz which in turn causes me to stay up way past my bed time and beat them.

But the main reason for this letter is because my niece Devon is getting married tomorrow in Massachusetts (thank God for Spell Check) and I will be unable to attend. There are many reasons for this, but due to legal issues I cannot list them here. However I wanted to let Devon know that we all down here in the (everybody Stand) GREAT STATE OF TEXAS (sit down) will be thinking of ya’ll during your happy day. Now I know that many of you who read this will not understand everything that I am writing because you are from the cold north. So I will try my best to be mindful of that and to explain more gooder better to ya’ll as to what I be meaning to say. As a matter of fact let me break down the word Ya’ll.

Y'all, archaically spelled "You-all'", is a contraction of the phrase "you all", and is pronounced as one syllable. It is used as a plural second-person pronoun. Commonly believed to have originated in the Southern United States, it is primarily associated with Southern American English

Fittin to. Shortened form of "fixing to," meaning "about to" or "preparing to."

This is just some of the basics before I continue, I know that there are many difference between us down here in (STAND) Texas (SIT), and ya’ll up there in Mass. Like the fact we don’t think that black pepper is spicy at all and the fact that too much Black pepper might kill some of ya’ll. We put hot sauce, jalapenos’, habaneras, chili piquen, on everything down here.

So with that in mind let me move on to Devon’s big wedding day. October? really? October? You picked October as your wedding month, really? You picked the end of the first school grading cycle as your wedding day? Really? You pick the day when college football is in full swing? Really? I know that the leaves are turning and the foliage is ever so beautiful and breathe taking butF, October? Really? I would like to at this time use a text messaging vernacular to express my feelings towards this but I won’t define it. I was going to say OMG, but that just doesn’t seem to fit here, so I decided to use WTF. October? Really? Down here in (STAND) Texas (SIT), If a couple gets married in October that can only mean one thing, do I need to say it? That’s right; you are getting married at section 103, row 4 of the Dallas Cowboy stadium. October? Really? I would have love to be there on this wonderful day in October, to share in your glorious day, but as ya’ll know I am here in (STAND) Ft. Hood Texas (SIT) making sure that the soldiers are getting the best training possible before they deploy. Plus with it being October and all I would probably freeze to death hanging out with ya’ll Yankee types.

Yankee: an American who lives in the North New Englander: an American who lives in New England used by Southerners for an inhabitant of a northern state in the United States

With this in mind I will not be able to attend the event in October. I wish so much for all the Happiness that Devon and what’s his face can muster. I am not a very sentimental type of person but I am a sucker for a good wedding with an open bar and well prepared food. I love to watch as everyone runs around frantically moving flowers, trying sober up the groom, avoiding the photographer, searching for rings, bribing the ring bearer and flower girl promises of trips to Disney World to walk down the aisle without an emotional breakdown. Seeing the confused relative, walking around the church trying to find a working electrical socket to charge the camcorder, mumbling to themselves that they were sure that this damn thing was charged last time they used it. Even better when they do get it charged they find out that there is no tape in the camera. I love to watch the women on the groom’s side sizing up the bride. The wonderful brides maids and the all the guys on both the brides and Grooms side sizing them up. I love watching as all the women try their best to find the perfect make up that will cover up “Chuck, forever and always” from the brides recent elective tattoo laser removal surgery scar. The best is the Bride’s father, trying to figure out how in the hell all this happened, trying to convince himself that what’s his face is a pretty good guy. Yes I am going to miss it all.

Dear what’s his face,

I am the uncle they don’t talk about; I am the crazy one, the one that will do anything to win a bet. I am the one that hates it when my wife, daughter, mother, sister and nieces are sad, upset and when they cry. I have been to Bosnia, Serbia, Somalia, and Iraq. I loved jumping out of airplanes. I take pride that I have the ability to make myself look like a tree and hide from everyone. I have friends all over the world; my buddies are in the Ranger Battalions, Special Forces A-teams, and SEAL TEAM 6. Some of them are still in the service, some have moved on to the CIA, DEA, and Various positions in Home Land Security. My wife was a soldier also; she is very fond of my family and also and is very excited for you two. She, like me, has seen the horrors of war, and loves to protect the family. I think she gets this from the fact she grew up with a very strong Italian family in Chicago. Need I say more? I look forward to the day when we can meet face to face. Other than that have a great time and you one and only wedding. ( could someone get me his glass, or a hair sample for Trace?)

My Dear darling and beautiful niece, De’Von Latasha Roshonda Fried Tater Jackson Jones (yes that is what your dad wanted to name you but your mother saved you at the last moment) I am truly and deeply sorry that we could not attend your special day. The more I think about it the more I realize that it is for the best because I would plant a seed in your mind that would make you break out in laughter during the ceremony and with your infectious and wonder laugh you would no doubt have the entire church in an up roar. So I will resist the urge to make derogatory comments at this time. I wish you and what’s his face all the luck in the world and just remember that all this could have been avoided it had just went to Las Vegas and eloped. Elvis rocks.

May the road rise to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
The rains fall soft upon the fields.
May the light of friendship guide your paths together.
May the laughter of children grace the halls of your home.
May the joy of living for one another trip a smile from your lips, A twinkle from your eye.
And when eternity beckons, at the end of a life heaped high with love,
May the good Lord embrace you with the arms that have nurtured you the whole length of your joy-filled days.
May the gracious God hold you both in the palm of His hands.
And, today, may the Spirit of Love find a dwelling place in your hearts. Amen
CONGRATUALATIONS
OCTOBER?
REALLY?